hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
