I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
