i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
