Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize