i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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