he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
