ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
