She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
