I just pynch a tree in the face
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Be still, my beating vagina.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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