OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
