Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
