i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize