There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
