dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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