I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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