I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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