angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize