At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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