margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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