I feel like abortions should bother me more
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
