I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
