guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
