I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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