I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
