Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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