Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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