Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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