So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
