There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
