You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
