i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize