Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
