I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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