i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
