1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
