He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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