Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
