all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
