he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize