you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
