I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
