Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bring me that man meat
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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