your room smells of hookers.
And success
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
