She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
