my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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