she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
