I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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