So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
