So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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