I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
