kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
