No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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