I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the day after is always just damage control
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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