Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.

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(641): View more from Iowa

is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

We welcome drunken adversity.

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

With open legs.

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(719): View more from Colorado

it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.

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