Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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