you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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