He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
