White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize