Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I came so hard my ears popped.
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